The Liberal Primer: FAQ


Greetings fellow liberals! I have gotten some questions about the previous section of the liberal primer. I will collate them here and give you our answers for easy reference.

Why did Trump win? – Russia.

Why did the Democrats lose the House and the Senate despite the GOP having to defend more than 20 seats in the Senate? – Russia and Putin.

Will the Democrats win in 2018? – As long as Russia does not get involved.

Why did the Democrats lose more than 1000 seats since Obama? – Russian interference.

Do the Democrats need to change anything to win? – All liberals need to do is stop Russia.

If they ask for more details – Say that demographics mean liberals cannot lose unless Russia interferes.

Why are conservatives racist? – Conservatives supported slavery in the past so they could have cheap labor to pick their crops like cotton, have cheap help around the house, and cheap workers to tend their houses.

Why should we support Illegal Immigration? – We need to support these immigrants as they provide cheap labor to pick our crops like strawberries, wait on us in restaurants, and provide cheap labor for home related work like mowing the lawn or housekeeping.

I’m having trouble picking a side when two minorities fight. – This actually deserves a more lengthy explanation to prevent any mistakes. You should initially refer to the Democratic Hierarchy of Victimization. If in doubt always side with the Muslim first, then side with the LGBTWTFBBQ community next. Next in line would be the Hispanics then the African Americans. Then we have the Asians and finally whites, preferring females over males of course.

This is somewhat complex so I will provide an example. Suppose a registered Muslim Democrat named Omar killed 50 gays in a nightclub while swearing fealty to Isis for example. You would first consult the chart. We see that Muslims are on top of the gay community therefore we would make excuses for Omar and do everything we can to divorce the act from his religion. Let us say that Omar is a white male instead. In that case our response would be different as we would be free to proclaim his racial group from the rooftops.

Should Bernie or Hillary lead the party? – Remember Russia! Clinton did nothing wrong.

Who should we label as fascist / racist/ sexist / etc ? – The short answer is anyone who is a hindrance to the party and our various related groups. For instance online bloggers like Pewdiepie have recently been getting more and more viewers while our allies in the main steam media have been lagging. We can then label him a fascist to shut him down so that viewers will flow to our preferred outlets again.

Remember the goal is not to reform the person we are complaining about but rather to gain control of the information highways. These labels are powerful tools we can use to shut down any dissent to make sure that our message is the only one heard.

I hope this answers any questions. Feel free to send in more.


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