The Liberal Primer: College

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Greetings fellow liberals! Thank you for taking a look at the next chapter of the liberal primer, your best source for everything liberal. Congratulations on deciding to attend college or as we call it the Institute of Intellectual Homogenization.  In this institution you will get first hand experience on the tactics we liberals use to further our agenda. At the end of this experience we will give you a certificate telling the world that you are sufficiently calibrated to the liberal consensus. You do not have to worry about paying for it as well. We will give you as much money as you need in student loans and you can pay for it later.

Phase 1: Identity

Please pay attention to this portion as this will guarantee you a positive experience in college. Under no circumstances should you enter college as white. Remember the Democrat Hierarchy of Victimization will be in enforced in full. To avoid being impacted by this rule it would be best to enter college as a minority. Converting to Islam would allow you to take the best advantage of this rule. If this is not possible any minority will do. Remember the hierarchy though Muslims, LGBTQWTFBBQ, Hispanic, Black, Asian, and then White. Make your selection accordingly.

Some of you may already be panicking. That is alright. It shows that you are still very young in the ways of liberalism. Remember it does not matter what race you actually are but rather what race you identify with. So what if you are white, if you feel that you are black? Remember Elizabeth Warren and Shaun King are both minorities and chances are they are whiter than you. It is not like we will do some deep background check into your story. Warren says her grandmother said she was some sort of Indian and Shaun says his mom slept around a lot but that he is sure that one black guy got her pregnant. Any story will do.

Phase 2: Major

The next step is to select your major. This will have an impact on the rest of your life. Your parents and guidance counselors will most likely advise to enter the STEM fields so that you will have an easier time finding employment after college. That may make sense to you now but it is not the liberal way to go about things. We recommend that you select a field that very few rational people take. Gender Studies, History of Women, African History, or some other similar course.

These courses are not important now and very few conservatives take them. They would most likely be involved in STEM courses that will help them later on in life. While these courses are underappreciated it is important that we fill them with liberals so that we control the facts. Once we have a good amount of party approved experts in these fields we will then increase their importance using our control of media and the educational system of the country. These experts we cultivate will then be able to give justification for many liberal policies we plan to do. You may be concerned that no rational company would hire you with one of these degrees. Do not be.  We have PBS and other government programs designed to give liberals who participate in the system jobs. We are constantly expanding these places to keep liberals on the government dole as well. Even if you don’t get in them there is always welfare right? We will make that as generous as possible.

Phase 3: Education

There will be people who will be teaching you in college. Popular culture has taught you to refer to them as professors or teachers. That is not the case. Professors can be questioned and their ideas tested. The people instructing you must not be questioned under  any circumstance.

Think of them as priests instead. They are there to give you the proper liberal standpoint on all things. Your role is to accept their teachings and memorize it. You are not to deviate from the proper liberal standpoint at any point. Let me be perfectly clear on this. Any resistance to them or attempt to engage in private thought may have you labelled as a racist, fascist, and sexist.

Phase 4: Participation

College is not only a place to learn but also a place to practice what you learn. We have worked hard to make campuses a place where only liberal ideas are heard. You will be called upon to defend this system.

At various times during your stay undesirables may try and get their voices heard. These may be conservative intellectuals, libertarians, or even just your fellow students who have been corrupted. Whoever they are they all pose the same danger. Under no circumstances can the young budding liberals in college hear opposing viewpoints. Anything that does not conform to the proper liberal viewpoint must be shutdown immediately, with violence if necessary.

This is where you would come in. Protests, shouting, and even setting fires. Your responsibility is to keep the message of college pure. Do not worry about the consequences. Liberals control college. If you need to burn a car or punch one of the speakers go ahead and do so. Your dean and other officials will make sure nothing happens to you and you will be lauded as a hero by your peers. Remember anything that does not conform to the proper liberal viewpoint is by definition racist, sexist, and fascist. Use that to your advantage. You are not inflicting violence on others you are inflicting violence on fascists.

Now that we have prepared you with some of your basic duties and responsibilities in college we hope that you have a great time. Go get your degree in middle eastern poetry!

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