Breaking News- First reported on Tsuke’s Thoughts. Radical Islamic Terrorism is officially over! The west has finally won! The events leading up to this are as stunning as they are historic. Everyone knows where they were when Leader Obama gave his “The West is at Fault” speech and outlined how to finally to eliminate terrorism. The media hailed it as a masterful work of rhetoric and nations all around the world immediately began adopting it. Those who did not adopt the plan were deemed to be conspiring with Russia and were overthrown. We take a look at the lives of some former terrorists and how they were impacted by this.
Markeed Al Abar
Markeed used to be a freedom fighter in Iraq. When climate change finally ended he abandoned the fight and began living as a dog meat vendor in Baghdad. “It used to be so hot” says Markeed ” I was always mad and started to join the mujahedeen. I even beat the slave they assigned to me. Ever since Obama fixed climate change it has become cooler! I don’t feel so angry anymore. Infidels they are not so bad you know? Allahu Akbar!”
Kartul “John” Asisi
Kartul or John to his friends was a sleeper agent in the busy metropolis of New York. He was recruited by online agents during the 2000’s. He was upset at the loose morals of the west and was ready to explode in central park. After the “Live like a Muslim” act he finally gave up on terror. ” I used to hate western women” says John “they are so shameless with how they dress and act. Ever since the L.L.A.M. they wore veils and walk behind men. It is so much better now. I was even able to trade one for my old x-box last week. Allahu Akbar and Praise Obama!
Barshad al Karkuk
Barshad was a street urchin from Syria. He rose to become a mullah after studying near a local mosque. He has spent the past few years recruiting local youths into various terrorist organizations. Since the Middle East Islamic Reparations tax was passed recruits have dried up. 80% of the income of Americans and citizens of other western nations are taxed and sent directly to the Middle East. “Everyone is happy now” says Barshad “We don’t even have to work and America and Europe send all their money to us. We love our friends in the west!”
Three different terrorists and three different people who now love America. Radical Islamic Terrorism is indeed over! On a related note this station has now terminated all of its female employees in accordance to the Quran Compliance Act.